Sitting Here, Stopping

sitting here

quiet

not knowing what to write

why am I here?

unsure

breathing

sad

I look out the window

brilliant dazzling white snow in sunlight

I smile

breathe again

I see my cat

I see You

I breathe again

I hear the laundry machine

I feel my arms

breathing

waiting

wondering

accepting

smiling

can I love what is?

I suppose that is a choice

I suppose I'm free to choose to love what is or not

do I?

no, not really, and that's why I'm sad

stopping

I want to stop notloving what is

breathing

whatever I'm doing to interfere with love of what is...I am stopping it now

I laugh

I smile

can I continue with that thought?  habit wants to creep in again, immediately!

I choose to continue thinking this thought

which thought? where did it go? what was it again?

hmmmm

ah, yes...
I do not like this present moment, as it is

I am choosing to stop whatever I'm doing to interfere with my loving what is

I am stopping that 

it works: I am smiling again, and another laugh escapes

and another

and another

I want to continue with this

I ask for help to continue with this

smiling

breathing

letting myself not know many many many things

letting myself not understand

just stopping what blocks me from loving what is

again and again and again.

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the above thought process was a spontaneous application of the Three Simple Steps outlined in this blogpost:  http://balanceandharmonyat.blogspot.com/2011/06/three-simple-steps.html